Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust, Fade to Black...

You can take your IPL, Twenty20 World Cup, endless ODIs and shove them where the sun is, at best, unlikely to shine. Tomorrow the greatest series in sport kicks off, and in my position as a badly informed, wholly biased, armchair pundit, I thought I'd offer up a few thoughts on the England team.

Opening Up
Andrew Strauss & Alistair Cook
If England are to beat the barbeque worshipping criminals that are the Australian cricket team, a solid, consistent and not necessarily spectacular series, is required from these two. Opening partnerships of 100+ are a must, this current Australian side are quick to let their heads drop and England would do well to facilitate this collective drooping with a series of clinical opening partnerships.

Three’s the Magic Number
Ravinder Bopara, Ian Bell
Given the choice of Bopara or Bell walking out with England 10/1, I’d choose Bopara, then Monty Panesar wearing a blindfold and then Ian Bell. Bopara has to have a great series if England are to win. His cockiness may well be his undoing or his making. His hero is Tendulkar, so let’s hope he can emulate the great man with big, big scores, like a double century on the first day at Cardiff, for example.

The Engine Room
Kevin Pietersen, Paul Collingwood, Matt Prior, Andrew Flintoff
If England start badly, it is these four that must dig them out of the mire. KP is a proven performer and we need have no worries about him. Collingwood is, regardless of the number of runs that he scores, permanently on the brink of being shown the door, but still, he has to score a lot runs, not a few scratchy 20s. The shuffling of Prior and Flintoff in the order is not so much of a talking point, it is more whether Flintoff should even bat above Broad. Flintoff has not scored any runs of note for years. His last test century was four years ago during the 2005 Ashes. Admittedly his ever expanding list of injuries haven’t helped but even so an ‘allrounder’ is not someone who is just generous with the drinks.
Prior has to prove that his batting average of nearly 50 is not some sort of illusion. If he is to bat at 6 he must be Gilchrist-like in being able to hammer home the advantage or resurrect the innings, because with Flintoff’s batting being about as reliable a motorcar built in Britain in the 1970s, Prior is the last line of defence before the, admittedly competent, tail.

Bolwed Over
Stuart Broad, Graeme Swann, James Anderson, Graham Onions, Monty Panesar, Steve Harmison
Anderson has made himself the first bowler on the team sheet over the last 12 months or so. I can’t believe he is only 26, I swear he was bowling for England when I was still at school, how old was he when he made his debut? 12? This aside, he is clearly hitting his prime, and with the new ball in his hand in swingy-old-England he should be a handful. Or England are buggered.
Broad is about 12, but this series is the perfect opportunity for him to really announce himself on the world stage. His average is really tumbling (down from nearly 50 to 37 in less than 12 months) and he can, like Swann, score some useful lower order runs. Swann is a shoe-in, and has been particularly effective against left-handers so far in his test career. He is also a cheeky sod, and he will hopefully really, really, really wind up the Aussies.
Monty, Onions and Harmison are likely to fight over one place for the whole of the series. Onions seems the obvious choice, as his wicket-to-wicket, McGrath-esq bowling adds an extra dimension to the attack. Monty, Harmison? hmmm... maybe Monty for Cardiff and maybe Harmison for the Oval, but can Harmison honestly justify another recall?

Extras
Batting-wise England have to be aggressive without being reckless. If they lose early wickets, they must have the patience to rebuild, and not do what they did in the Caribbean and go into meltdown.
Wicket keeping: If Matt Prior starts dropping catches, someone needs to kidnap his dog and threaten to drown it in Cardiff Bay if he drops anymore or maybe more rationally, England need to be prepared to make changes if Prior starts costing more runs than he scores.
As for bowling, opening with Anderson and Flintoff might be a canny move. It’s not short bowling in general that Phillip Hughes struggled with, as he showed when he plundered all those runs in South Africa, it’s bodyline-style short stuff aimed at the ribs and chest that gets him hopping about, and the most capable man in the team at serving that up is Freddie. Hughes also appears to be about 4-feet tall so a big burly Flintoff getting in his face first up would be quite amusing, if nothing else.

So... 5-0 England, anyone?

Ring-a-ding-dong

The other day I was chatting to my old man about the shuffling wreck that is the England cricket team, specifically the black hole that is the no 3 batting position. Having laughed at Michael Vaughan’s age, Owais Shah’s eyes and Rob Key’s girth we moved to the raging disappointment that is Ian Bell.
Of those mentioned above Bell is the most infuriating. Vaughan has had success, Shah is a permanent and largely successful member of the ODI squad, Key had his chance and was found wanting, but Bell has failed in all formats at international level, despite the indulgence offered by Fletcher and Moores again and again.

What is so annoying is that Ding-Dong is so spectacularly talented, (he can, amongst other things, bat left-handed and properly as well, drives and pulls, not just swishing like KP). His problem is very simple. He is just not enough of a bastard. Too nice, this generation’s Graeme Hick. What’s to do? Short of locking him in a cage, beating him with sticks and feeding him raw meat.What is most likely to happen is the same as has happened before, he disappears into the mythical world of county cricket for a month, scores runs with such ease as to make the bowlers look foolish, is then recalled by England, chronically underachieves all summer and winter and is dropped at the beginning of the next English summer. The result being that neither Bell nor England are any further forward or better off.

The wisest thing to do would be to boot Bell out of the England for the whole summer and really let him get out of the limelight and really work on his game, and his brain. Bell needs to score heavily all summer. He should aim to average at least 60 and score big hundreds. Not 110s or 120s but 180s plus, and be angry and disappointed at anything less. If Bell could just stop being so meek and mild, have some belief in himself he could be one of the very best players in the world.

Sundries:
The IPL – South African addition kicks off this week. The latest innovation being a 7 minute interval after 10 overs, a tactical time-out or an opportunity to sell advertising space to earn even more $$$$? You decide!

The County Championship is in full flow, with Ian Bell following my advice and scoring 172 against Somerset

Marcus Trescothick refuses a second plea from England to return to the fold – it really is the end folks, sorry

Johan Botha is reported for throwing for a second time in 3 years, and will have his action tested by ICC. Interesting to see how that one goes...

South Africa show the Aussies who’s boss, by taking and unassailable lead in the ODI series in South Africa

The Chronicle attends pre-season nets for a few weeks and does quite badly

New Beginnings

I’m back!

Having been bloggingly inert for the past few months, I’ve decided to resurrect the Chronicle for the English season. Fortunately, in the time of non-blogging I’ve not missed much apart from a couple of major terrorist attacks, the West Indies first test series victory since the stone age, Australia’s first home series defeat since the mutiny on the Bounty, India’s first win in New Zealand since Gandalf the Grey’s last beard trim, Ricky Ponting having to use phrases like “we just weren’t good enough... again” on a satisfyingly large number of occasions and Afghanistan’s seemingly unstoppable and remarkable march towards the 2011 world cup.
So yeah, virtually nothing missed.

England, needless to say, have been bloody awful all winter. They have tested my patience and my faith to the extreme. Kevin Pietersen has been and gone as captain, being forced to resign after demanding that Peter Moores be sacked, on the basis that he wasn’t very good. Which was wasn’t, and was sacked for. Which means that Andrew Strauss has been thrown the skipper’s job again, and he’s done reasonably well so far. It’ll be interesting to see what our assessment will be come September.

So, to brief business, the Chronicle’s predictions for the Summer ahead...

England vs. West Indies Tests: England give us a pre-Ashes tease with a 2-0 win

England vs. West Indies ODI: England continue tease with another comfortable victory

Ashes: England to wobble frequently, but prevail 2-1? Not likely! Steven Harmison makes a triumphant return to Ashes cricket when his first ball ends up in the hands of the square leg umpire. England lose 3-0, rather than 5-0, but only because in rains

Eng vs. Aus One Day Series: England will get their arses handed to them. Australia to win 5 -2 or the weather picks up and England, unable to sneak a few on Duckworth/Lewis, get bludgeoned 7-0

Twenty20 World Cup: England to promise little and achieve nothing. My slightly left-field winners are New Zealand. Oh the controversy...

County Championship: Despite this being their first season back in the top flight I’m predicting Warwickshire to triumph by drawing a lot

Friends Provident Trophy: Hampshire, full of canny operators, you see?

Pro40: Don’t know, don’t care – does anyone?

Twenty20: Essex get my vote on the basis that Napier, Bopara and Foster like to give bowlers the sort of flogging you’d only expect to receive at a party round at Max Moseley’s place

So there we go, it’ll be interesting to see just how wrong I am.
Anyway, enough of this rambling preamble, the MCC have already begun against Durham and the season starts in earnest next week, as will I.

You have been warned.

I think it was Kerry Packer that said ‘We’re all whores, what’s your price?’. And this week we learned that the England cricket team’s price was $20,000,000 – and had a good laugh, at their expense, into the bargain.
The Stanford Super Series gave us alleged controversy and some excellent cricket, though England rather over indulged on the former when they should have binged on the later, and concluded with a crushing, humiliating and expensive defeat for Kevin Pietersen’s band of miserable men.
The ‘Stanford Super Series’ or ‘20/20 for 20’ was supposed to be a festival of 20/20 cricket, designed to satisfy two mistresses, firstly Sir Allen Stanford’s capacious ego and second, England’s players disappointment at being unable to take part in the IPL. Much of the controversy stems from the fact that a lot of the press, ancient ex-cricketers whose opinions count for bugger all and the public at large found it distasteful that the ECB should genuflect, with quite so much enthusiasm, in the direction of Stanford’s bank account, and that consequently ECB Chairman Giles Clarke should be whipped through the streets of London before being burned at the stake on the square at Lord’s for demeaning the England Cricket team.
The comments about Stanford has been even worse, admittedly he didn’t help himself, if you’re going to have a camera follow you around the place make sure you’re seen engaging in charitable works, saving the environment or kissing babies. However, the hilarious sight of Allen Stanford with a bevy of beauties, one of whom was sitting on his knee, which was beamed across the Caribbean via the big screen, turned out to be the England player’s wives and girlfriends. The girl-on-knee turned out to be Matt Prior’s pregnant better half. Apparently he wasn’t best pleased, standing out in the middle and then suddenly seeing his wife cavorting with a Texan billionaire on a 60ft high screen. I hate to sound shallow, but if someone was prepared to give me $1,000,000 for three hours work, I think I’d let a bit of podgy-old-man-flirting-with-the-young-ladies pass without too much fuss. Anyway, since when did the England team come over all puritanical? Stuart Broad was ‘gobsmacked’, another unnamed player said he’d have punched Big Al – Jesus Christ boys! The ladies in question, giggling away, hardly looked like they were having a bad time.
The press, of course, where up in arms, the Daily Mail leading the campaign of righteous indignation. A paper of course that has no qualms about publishing pictures of ‘respectable’ totty cavorting whenever the opportunity arises (Liz Hurley, Jemima Goldsmith, girls who’ve just received their A-level results etc etc etc). Their problem, as ever, is a seething, insidious racism that pervades all that the Daily Mail, and most of the rest of the British press, spews forth. Had Sir Allen Stanford been a ‘real’ ‘Sir’, there wouldn’t have been a squeak from the media, but no, Stanford is an American, ergo, he has too much of an ego about him, is too flashy with his money and probably drinks blood directly from the udders of a herd of satanic donkeys. Well, so what? If I were a multi-billionaire I’d have a bit of a strut about me and generally feel quite pleased with myself. He may well wander around Antigua like he owns the place, well, he probably does own most of it, so deal with it.
I bear Sir Allen no ill will at all. He had an idea as a businessman and as a cricket fan, and he had the means, as a very wealthy man to bring it about. Yes he’s an American, and didn’t ‘respect’ the sanctity of the dressing room and sparked a thousand other diplomatic incidents over a plethora of so-called cultural misunderstandings. Did the ECB not check out the way Stanford might conduct himself and the tournament before they signed up? I’ve watched a number of domestic Stanford 20/20 games, and could have told them that it wasn’t going to be like a test match at Lord’s in 1904, but oh no! The American’s tournament was too gaudy and err... American.
Very few people have been prepared to find anything positive about the whole thing – well look at his team. The West Indies have been an absolute bunch of layabouts for years. How much sloppy fielding, ill-disciplined batting and inconsistent bowling have we seen? Now look at them after 6 weeks of 12 hour training days, curfews and a proper dietary regime. They were electric in the field, batted like they meant it, with vicious, clinical intent and bowled beautifully. Darren Powell? A perennial underachiever if ever I saw one, was devastating in this competition. It wouldn’t surprise me if we suddenly saw a rapid rise in all forms of cricket for the Windies, and who’s money and vision paid for it?
Exercise in vulgarity the Stanford Super Series may well be, but it is here to stay for the next four years, so the ECB and the England team should stop being such a bunch of whinging old woman and try and enjoy themselves. If they need to reorganise things a little, like getting someone from ECB or WICB to sort the pitch out then so be it. But please, this is a series in its infancy, don’t write it off yet and be grateful that unlike most people in this world you could guarantee your future with three hours work.
The enforced, casual indifference mixed with a vignette of arrogance from the England team was actually embarrassing. You put the England shirt on – regardless of whether you are playing the Stanford Super Stars for $20 million or Venezuela for £2.50 – it means something.
What was rather more positive about the whole ‘winner takes all’ situation, was the reaction of the West Indians/All Stars. Their salaries from playing cricket are nothing compared to those of the England players, add in all the sponsorship money that the likes of Pietersen and Flintoff get paid, and you are talking about some seriously rich people. Pietersen was apparently offered a £200,000 a year bat sponsorship deal from someone, which was turned down flat, so I’d love to know what Adidas had to cough up to get His Royal Highness on board.
The Super Stars simply wanted this prize more – it meant more to them and much as it pains me to write it, they were deserved and comfortable victors. Next time I hope England cut out the bullshit moralizing about the inappropriateness of the prize money, their bitching about Sir Allen Stanford, complaining about the facilities (a lot better than most county grounds according to Atherton) and grab this amazing opportunity with both hands.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen (1935 - )

Summer Dying Fast

Like Gaul, the cricket season is divided into three parts: the trials and tribulations of the England cricket team, the fortunes of the Warwickshire Bears and my own small and often feeble contributions to club cricket. As the English season has come to an end, I thought I would provide a gentle summary of the Cricket Season 2008.

ENGLAND
The phrase ‘mixed bag’ springs to mind when reviewing England in the damp so-called-summer of 2008. New Zealand, having not played England enough already in 2008, popped over to blighty for another 124 slightly predictable games of cricket. England secured fairly laboured victories in the tests and got hammered in the ODI’s, but won the Twenty20. This is also pretty much what happened, if you remember, about 10 minutes earlier, in New Zealand.
There were a few highlights, England’s epic fight back at Old Trafford, when Monty Panesar bowled seven-shades-of-shit out of the Kiwis on the Sunday afternoon, to set up an unlikely England victory. On the subject of Mr Panesar, it was about his only moment of note for the whole of a rather squelchy and un-helpful summer, he might start to feel a bit of pressure from Rashid, Patel and Swann if he tours poorly in India later this year.
Kevin Pietersen’s left handed sixes against Scotty Stiris were jaw-droppingly good. I can understand sweeping left-handed, that doesn’t feel too un-natural, but the second of KP’s lefties was a full-bloodied smack over long-on (née deep mid-off).
On the down side New Zealand did give jolly old England a jolly good thrashing in the ODIs. Ryan Sidebottom and Paul Collingwood nearly ruined the entire summer when Collingwood upheld a run out appeal after Elliot had been floored by Sidebottom whilst taking a quick single, fortunately the game was won by the Kiwis so they could be forgiving and superior. The ODI at Edgbaston was an utter, rain induced farce, that I’d rather forget than repeat its tear inducing details (see previous post if you must re-live the ‘action’). So for the 94th summer in-a-row England were about as competitive in limited overs cricket as a goat in a horse race or were they?

When the South Africans arrived later in the summer, I was hoping that England could get something from the test series, although if you read previous posts, you will see that I was not exactly confident. At best, I thought England could sneak the test series 2-1 or something similar and then, no matter what, were going to get murdered in the 5 ODIs. As it turned out the loss of the Edgbaston test and consequently the series, provoked the departure of Michael Vaughan from the test captaincy, and probably from the England team for ever (although he’s got a central contract again, - no, I don’t know why either), as well as Paul Collingwood’s resignation as ODI captain and resulted in the coronation Kevin Pietersen as England captain for all forms of cricket. And boy did the greatest living Englishman get off to a flyer; a century and a victory at the Oval on debut as captain and then shock of all shocks, England kicked the asses of the South Africans into about the year 2015 in the ODIs, to the tune of 4-0, which let’s be honest would have been 5-0 had it not been for utterly unexpected rain in Cardiff.
At Trent Bridge the Saffers were skittled out for 83, meaning that the day/night match I was hoping to return home from work to watch the second half of was long over before I even left the office. At the presentation ceremony/interview afterwards Graeme Smith was loudly and justifiably jeered (suggested first question: “So Graeme, have you chaps ever played cricket before?”)
Notts left-arm tweaker Samit Patel made a big impression in the series, (that’s not a dig at his size, although I doubt anyone gets to the lunch table before he does very often), taking the wicket of Gibbs at Headingly when the Proteas were cruising and then chipping in with vital runs and a five wicket haul at the Oval, he must surely now be England’s first choice spinner in ODIs and Twenty20’s.
Flintoff was really back to his best in these 50 over games. His batting at 5 was brutal and clinical, and his bowling was economical and at times nasty. His first-change partnership with the recently un-retired Harmison (hmm... a million $s for three hours work in the Caribbean – oh go on then!) was viciously effective and might actually mean England have some bowlers to properly put the wind up the opposition for once.
As for KP’s captaincy, well, you can’t argue with the results, if anyone can inspire an ashes victory next year, there’s no better man to lead by example than Mr Pietersen. My only complaint would be the quite unnecessary levels of homoeroticism now present on the field of play. Is it really necessary for KP to skip around slapping everyone on the arse at every opportunity? Although, I suppose you could argue it’s working. Maybe he’d like to try it on the umpires, you know, to encourage them to give decisions in England’s favour. Billy Bowden looks like a man who’d enjoy that sort of thing.
To sum up, it has been another summer of underachievement and frustration for England, sometimes great, sometimes awful – but with KP at the helm, maybe, just maybe, something special might be around the corner.

WARWICKSHIRE
Warwickshire have also had a mixed season, a disastrous Friends Provident campaign, an indifferent Pro40, failure at the quarter finals stage of the Twenty20 Cup, again, but promotion back to the first division in the County Championship at the first time of asking.The Pro40 is a bit like the league cup in football (whatever it is called these days), the only people who actually give the vaguest toss about it are the people that win it. Seeing as the Pro40 is being morphed into a Twenty20 competition in two years time, there doesn’t seem to be too much point in overly exercising oneself about it.
The Friends Provident Trophy was Clusterfuck-Grand-Central for the Bears. No offence to Ireland, but if you can’t beat two professionals and nine pig farmers at a game that 95% of their countrymen couldn’t differentiate from women’s beach volleyball, you really are wallowing in the depths of ineptitude. After a decent showing in last year’s competition I thought they might a least put up a fight rather than their hands, but as we all know, nothing hurts more than dashed expectations.
The Twenty20 Cup was the same old story as last year. Once again the Bears qualified for the quarter finals before anyone else and once again they were comprehensively dumped out of the competition in the quarters. What is so infuriating is that they were so good in the group stages. Spin combo Ant Botha and Ian Salisbury were brilliant, taking a stack of wickets at about 11 a piece. Trott laid into all attacks, passing 1000 Twenty20 career runs in the process (why he’s not opening the batting for England in ODI’s and Twenty20’s is a mystery). But they bottled it big time against Fatty Key’s boys when it really mattered (At least we beat Worcestershire twice, I suppose).
Whilst the final stages of the County Championship in division 1 went down to the wire, Warwickshire were comfortable champions in division 2. Unbeaten all season, Warwickshire’s safety first tactics resulted in just 5 wins all season, something that will have to change if they are to make a serious challenge for the title next year. Personnel wise, a genuine opening batsman needs to be recruited from somewhere and for the whole season as well. Maddy is OK opening, but Powell, Poonia and Westwood have all failed to score big runs for the most part, Powell so much so he’s been given the heave-ho.
Were I to give Ashley Giles a mark out of ten for his first season in charge, I’d give him 7. Generous you might say, but he’s gained promotion to division 1 of the County Championship, and more importantly there is a real buzz, a feeling of moving forward, surrounding the team which was very much missing the grim days of Greatbatch.

ME
To finish, a short, slightly self-satisfied appraisal of my own cricketing achievements in 2008. My team achieved a 100% success record, dispatching all and sundry. The one occasion when it appeared we were going to lose, the heavens opened and the deluge saved us. Due to our repeated triumphs, I’ve hardly batted. My single moment of note being executing a particularly ravishing cover drive to score the winning runs in one game. My bowling has been rather good. The bare statistics being: 11 wickets @ 15.18, Economy: 5.96, Strike rate: 11.06, Best: 5 – 42. Not bad for a beginner!

Now the season is over I’m a bit lost for things to do. Until the Stanford Vulgarthon there’s no England cricket to watch on the telly and unless I can persuade anyone to play winter cricket with me, there’s to be no leather-on-willow-action until pre-season nets in March. As a substitute I’ve joined a snooker club, I’m terrible but it gets me out of the house. As measure of how sad I am, last week whilst I was waiting for my mate to return from the bar, I found myself clutching a cue extension, threading an imaginary ball passed extra cover for 4. Oh dear me.

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."
Albert Camus
French existentialist author & philosopher (1913 - 1960)

Selection Box

Just as a random midweek tit-bit, for no purpose whatsoever, a starting XI of my favourite international cricketers.
So many sportsmen are so very bland, as to think that they may well have offered up their personalities in some sort of diabolical pact, in return for sporting glory. This is no rag-bag XI, but neither does it necessarily include ‘the Best’, rather it is those current players who have just that little bit of something about them.

I) Alastair Cook (England)
Proper opening batsman. In full-flow, more elegant than a Mozart string quartet.
II) Mathew Hayden (Australia)
Brutal biffmeister, walks at fast bowlers – excellent.
III) Kumar Sangakkara (Sri Lanka & Warwickshire)
Pure and utter class. Better than Ricky Ponting.
IV) Kevin Pietersen (England)
Right handed? Left handed? Anything you like really.
V) Shiv Chanderpaul (West Indies)
Need quick wickets? Oh bugger here comes Shiv…
VI) Dwayne Bravo (West Indies)
Batting, bowling, fielding, is there nothing he can’t do better than the rest of the West Indies? Also has the best name in world sport.
VII) Mahendra Singh Dhoni (India)
Unfairly tagged as a bit of a slogger early on, actually a very, very astute cricketer, oh yeah, and 5000 people once followed him to the hair dressers…
VIII) Brett Lee (Australia)
Top man – Always plays hard and always plays fair.
IX) Andre Nel (South Africa)
Perfectly nice chap off the field, deranged on it. Has alter-ego called ‘Gunter’ who ‘has something wrong with his mind’ and ‘lives in Germany’. Andre Nel is not a well man.
X) Sohail Tanvir (Pakistan)
Bizarrely bowls off the wrong foot, which looks hilarious but he will probably need every joint in his body replacing after he retires. Beard designed by Desperate Dan.
XI) Monty Panesar (England)
Celebrates wickets like a drunken school girl country dancing. Can’t bat. Fielding getting worse. Legend.

And as night follows day and as Bangladesh follow on, here’s an XI of players with whom I would no more want to share the field of play than share a bath.

I) Graeme Smith (South Africa)
Standing in the slips shouting ‘you’re gay’ at the batsman is about as funny as knife crime.
II) Phil Jaques (Australia)
I can’t think of another opening batsman that I really hate (mainly because most teams seem to get through them like most Americans get through doughnuts), so it had to be an Australian by default.
III) Ricky Ponting (Australia)
Best batsman of his generation? Certainly. But as captain also a brazen cheat who is always the first to point the finger when another team breaches the ‘Spirit of Cricket’. Even the Australian public think he’s a c**t.
IV) Sourav Ganguly (India)
He was hated at Lancashire, useless at Northants (batting avg. 4). Lord Snooty is probably the most obnoxious man ever to set foot on a cricket field, but at least we can laugh at him for his fielding.
V) AB de Villiers (South Africa)
No, no, no – of course you ‘thought’ you’d caught it cleanly.
VI) Andrew Symonds (Australia)
‘Yeah – I hit it, ho ho ho’. Twat.
VII) Kamran Akmal (Pakistan)
Can’t bat. Can’t keep wicket. All topped off with that nausea-inducing, whining voice. ‘BOWLING DANNY!!’ he cries, even after six consecutive full-tosses have been dispatched to the boundary.
VIII) Ryan Sidebottom (England)
Miserable bastard. Always shouting at fielders when they make the slightest error (or in Monty’s case – catastrophic error), because Sidebottom never makes any mistakes – oh no, of course not.
IX) Shanthakumaran Sreesanth (India)
Absolute first-class burk. Tries to do the hard-man staring and swearing routine, then gets slapped by Harbhajan after an IPL game and promptly, and very publicly, bursts into tears. You’re not kidding anyone mate.
X) Shoaib Ahktar (Pakistan)
Total disaster of a sportsman. Probable drug-cheat. Certain cricket cheat – ‘hyper-extension’ of the elbow my arse. Has missed more games than he has played through suspension and injury. The only thing he deserves from the cricketing world is the hyper-extension of its proverbial middle finger.
XI) Mohammed Asif (Pakistan)
Makes Shoaib Ahktar look like ICC Player of the Year. Banned and then inexplicably un-banned for doping along with Mr Ahktar, busted in Dubai for carrying drugs and then mysteriously un-busted, now just about to be banned again for, yup, you guessed it, DRUGS! Seriously Mohammed, are you a moron? And to think he is supposedly one of the most exciting cricketers around. What a waste.

A good man would prefer to be defeated than to defeat injustice by evil means.
Sallust 'Jugurthine War,' 41 B.C.
Roman historian & politician (86 BC - 34 BC)

The Pietersen Principle

Despite it only being the middle of August, the last test of the summer has been played. The Oval test may have concluded with a consolatory victory for England under Kevin Pietersen’s one-test-old regime, but there is much to ponder.
The end of Michael Vaughan’s captaincy was not too much of a surprise, his failure to register a single meaningful contribution with the willow against the Saffers sealed his already signed death warrant.
Vaughan’s legacy will always be tied to the summer of ’05. His supposed genius was cemented there and then. But how much of a genius was he really? Was he a better captain than Mike Atherton, for example? During the 1990’s Mike Atherton had at his disposal what you call a mixed bag (or a load of shit – depending on how honest you are being). Remember England sporting the likes of Devon Malcolm, Phil Tufnell, Alan Mullally, Phil DeFreitas, Graeme Hick and Mark Ramprakash? How difficult, if not nigh on impossible must it have been for Atherton to captain this mercurial bunch? Some of them had their moments, Malcolm’s 9-57 is one that springs to mind, but by and large it was Atherton or death. He was the lynch-pin that just about held everything together. It is often written in articles that Atherton’s wicket was the most prized by the opposition, it was about the only one prized by the opposition more like.
By comparison, Vaughan had at his command during The Glory Years of English Cricket, an in-the-form-of-his-life Flintoff, reverse swing king Simon Jones, a fit, firing and mentally stable Steve Harmison, a bejewelled Kevin Pietersen and a sane Marcus Trescothick, to name a few. The question is, who do you think had the harder job, Atherton or Vaughan*?

You can be to cricket captaincy what Stephen Hawking is to theoretical physics, but if your average first innings total is still only 103, the chances of you winning anything beyond bugger all are slim to say the least. I’m not suggesting for a moment that Vaughan wasn’t a very, very good captain, but when you have world class cricketers in your team you would have to be a very bad captain for them not to perform.
What made Vaughan good, was his ability to squeeze that extra couple of percent out of his players and his refusal to concede defeat until the last ball had been bowled. All empires fall and for Vaughan his catastrophic lack of form prevented him from being able to do what all leaders must do to survive – lead from the front.
Strengths became weaknesses, for example, the tight-knit dressing room that fostered an impenetrable team spirit, in time, when results took a turn for the worse, became viewed as a closed shop, where Michael and his mates were content and unthreatened by outsiders. Ultimately, a captain is judged by how many games he wins and for Vaughan, he won plenty, so history will be kind to him. Will we see him under the banner of the three lions again? I hope so. At his best, with those effortless and elegant drives and pulls, there is no one in cricket I would rather watch bat. Maybe with the burden of captaincy lifted he can return to the side refreshed and with a clear mind.

As the Age of Vaughan passes into legend, the Time of KP has begun. A wise appointment? After week or so of consideration, I have come to the conclusion that it is. What Pietersen possesses in quantities previously un-dreamed of in English cricket, is unshakable faith in his own abilities. No shoe gazing introspection for Kevin, no ‘we tried our best, mummy’ excuses, more the ‘fuck you, you’ll never beat me’ attitude. This has, and will in the future, really put the wind up a lot of people. (Mainly fat middle-aged men in sartorially indefensible blazers.) Good! What we need, after the malaise of the later Vaughan era, is a tornado of fresh air. People accuse KP of being arrogant, selfish and even of being narcissistic. Guilty as charged. But these are not necessarily bad qualities to have as captain. He doesn’t have to be the most popular man in the dressing room, Flintoff can play that role, nor does he have to embody the almost entirely fictitious ‘spirit of cricket’. What he has to do is win and then regardless of his perceived failings, the public will love him.
He has already said, England are going to win the Ashes next summer, hubris this may well be, but at least he has the nerve to say it. He is the only England player that opposition are really frightened of, in fact, beyond his cricketing skills I suspect a lot of sides actively dislike him, fine, it will be no skin off his nose.
Pietersen has the ability to whip this crop of England players into shape. They are good players, but they should be better. England shouldn't be 5th in the test rankings, realistically they could be 2nd or 3rd or even 1st, but at every stage best laid plans are undermined by inconsistency, under achievement and at the risk of pointing the finger, Ian Bell. KP’s lack of captaincy experience shouldn’t be a problem either, he has a very good cricket brain and he won’t ever lack the confidence to make the crucial calls. Maybe this could be a new dawn?

‘Let them hate me, so long as they fear me’
Caligula

*It’s not Vaughan

Doosra: Men in White: Necessary Evils or Jetsam?

Doosra: Men in White: Necessary Evils or Jetsam?

Eye on Cricket: Ketchup man

Eye on Cricket: Ketchup man

Ground Down

In the good old days for a 5-match test series to finish 0-0, or 1-0 if one side was feeling a bit frisky, was far from uncommon. When people trot out statistics of years passing without a side losing a single game, I’m always tempted to ask whether they actually won any either. Those days are by and large long gone, unless it’s a test match at Lord’s. Of the last 6 test matches at said venue, a mere 6 have been draws. And the one just passed between England and South Africa is probably the worst of them.
The scorecard, given a cursory glance, suggests that England let the Proteas off the hook, but this is far from the truth. On reflection England’s 593 was no more than par on this flatter than flat pitch. The South African’s initial reply was indeed poor and England’s bowling was disciplined, if unspectacular. Ashwell ‘The Fresh’ Prince proved with his prosaic century, that as long as you batted sensibly and didn’t get an absolute jaffa, nobody was going to get you out. Following on, the rest of the South African batsmen had got with the programme and realised that even if they played 24 hours a day, for a fortnight, in blindfolds and straight-jackets, England were never going to take 20 wickets. The recriminations began in earnest, long before the game was even over and will no doubt continue ad nauseum; England aren’t ruthless enough, South Africa are too negative, England batted too long, South Africa were undercooked, on and on, forever and ever. Amen.
However, the two guilty parties who should be fixed in our crosshairs are Lord’s and the ECB. I understand and can just about cope with all the sentimental old bollocks about Lord’s being the ‘home’ of cricket and how every cricketer who has ever lived would die happy were they to be allowed a single touch of its hallowed turf. What I can’t understand is how the ECB let Lord’s get away with producing, year after year, such a turgid, lifeless excuse of a wicket. It’s a pitch so dead I often wonder whether even the toss is going to produce a result. Any other ground would be given a public dressing down were it to produce anything as flaccid. Old Trafford, which is England’s happiest hunting ground of recent times, has been denied test cricket for the next 4 years. Officially it’s because of spreading international matches to different grounds, i.e. having to give the Welsh some international cricket. But everyone knows it’s because the ECB don’t think Old Trafford is up to the standard required, too shabby around the edges. Well how about you give some of the millions of pounds that you earn just from tests at Lord’s to Old Trafford to improve its facilities? Or give them more matches, so they can earn more income to tart the place up a bit. I hate to think what the ECB would have done if Old Trafford had not been a successful ground for England. The cynic in me says that all Lord’s is doing is maximising income at the expense of competitive cricket. 4 full houses plus any bonus-extras on day 5, at £85 a ticket, must make the ECB a fortune, and all the sales of drink, food and merchandise must do likewise for Lord’s. I really hope that this isn’t the case. But I suspect it probably is. How very sad.
It is highly unlikely that the ECB will ever stand up to Lord’s; after all the MCC is there, jealously guarding the Laws of Cricket and dribbling partially digested bits of food down their disgusting ties as they doze in the afternoon sun.
We can only hope that the vitriol rained down upon Lord’s will have the desired effect and then next year we might see something slightly more competitive than God versus Sodom and Gomorrah.

From one catastrophe that has happened to one waiting to happen. Various plans for a re-vamped Twenty20 Cup, from 2010 onwards have been announced. The spectre of 9 city-based franchises has re-materialised and although Giles Clarke (head honcho at the ECB) is against anything less than the 18 counties taking part, ‘market forces’ might still win the day. (Mind you, making up names for city-based franchises is quite an amusing way to pass 5 minutes – any suggestions gratefully received.)
In Britain we love our sporting past. Morons in pubs talk about ’66 like they were actually on the pitch when Geoff Hurst scored the winner, when in fact they weren’t even born. In cricket, people talk about ‘Botham’s Ashes’ as if they were yesterday and the Rugby World Cup victory in ’03 and Wilkinson’s drop goal in particular, will be drooled over for ever more. (Which is part of the reason that we struggle at sport, but that issue will have to wait for another day – can you imagine the Germans getting all teary-eyed about a football match that happend 40 years ago?)
What people want is to buy into a team with some history behind it, irrational as that may be. A fictitious team called the Leeds Luddites or Bristol Bumpkins that has been made up in a committee meeting won’t have the historical gravitas demanded by sports fans. It is ridiculous, what does it matter who won what in 1905? Or if ‘who’ even existed then? But I’m in the minority.
The killer argument against the city franchises is that for Twenty20 cricket to become the major sporting event of the summer, it has to distinguish itself from other sports, in particular, football. Calling the teams after the counties automatically achieves this, not to mention that it will also avoid the administrative kerfuffle of merging various counties.
As for the format, I think that playing in 3 randomly selected groups (rather than the regional ones we have at the moment – I’m bored of the Bears playing the same teams in the group stages every year), followed by the quarter finals, over an 8 or 9 week period in June and July. The games, with the exception of finals day, which should be on a Saturday in August, should be played on a Friday night, so you can have a proper build up to the matches, rather than squeezing 800 games into a 25-minute slot at the end of June. This has two main advantages; weather is unlikely to ruin someone’s chances as it did last year to Leicestershire and Surrey and the punters are more likely to go to every game if they are spaced out a bit, i.e. they don’t have to put their life on hold for two weeks.
The real key to the English Premier League (as it will be known) being a success is television. If the games or at least some of them, are on terrestrial TV, especially the final, it will be a success. If it all stays on Sky, it will meander along for a few years until interest wanes and someone has a ‘brighter’ idea. The government should, at the very least, add finals day (and home test matches – but that’s another story,) to the list of ‘sporting crown jewels’. How good would it be to see domestic cricket on the BBC or Channel 4? We can but live in hope.

The future will be better tomorrow
Dan Quayle

Triumphalism

I have always considered that my bowling abilities sat me in the bowlers pantheon somewhere between a dead halibut and Mother Theresa of Calcutta, but just last weekend, and I promise I’m not making this up, I took 5 for 42. Me! One of the least talented cricketers ever to take to the field of play – 5-fer!
My team, batting first, scored 188; lurching from 0-2 to 18-4 to 120ish-4 and finally 188 all out (your esteemed author - 1, plummer than plum lbw to some ancient left arm spinner, hit on the back foot approximately 5cms in front of middle stump – so I can’t really complain can I?) The opposition got off to a reasonably good start, before I was brought on first change. I had, whilst we’d been batting, been shirking umpiring duties and bowling in the nets and sending 99.9% of the deliveries wobbling pathetically down the leg-side, so when informed of my imminent promotion to cherry-chucker, my response was not what you might call enthusiastic, (it was along the lines of “oh for **** sake I don’t want to ******* bowl ‘coz I’m ******* shit – at least I’m honest...) but the captain insisted. By the end of my first over I had 2 wickets in the bag, a very smart bottom edged catch by the ‘keeper and an lbw, where the ball genuinely drifted and turned. I won’t bore you with the rest of the details, but the other 3 were out bowled, caught at cover and caught at midwicket. Like the tortoise, I had proved that slow – or very, very slow in my case – can, on occassion, win the race. In the space of an hour I felt like I had gone from wallowing in the shallows to ascending Mount Olympus to sup with the Cricketing Gods. Self-delusion had set in. I feel more than a little embarrassed admitting this, but I was checking the County Championship scores on BBCi and noticed that Lancashire and erstwhile England paceman Saj Mahmood had taken 5-76 against Sussex, and actually said, out loud, without a hint of irony, “not as good as me, mate”. You’ll be glad to know that I have calmed down since and retained a little perspective. 5 wickets on a Sunday afternoon in the suburbs of Birmingham does not make you Gary Sobers. It did make me think though. When I was bragging to various people about my exploits, it only occurred to me as an afterthought to mention that we’d had won the game. Our teachers may have told us that it is the taking part that counts and we may tell our team-mates that it is the winning that counts, but in our heart of hearts we know it is the personal glory that we really seek. Geoff Boycott didn’t score over 8,000 test match runs at 47 a piece because he was a team man, who only cared for the result. He did it because he was immensely selfish and a devout believer of his own wondrousness and as a consequence of this England rarely lost test matches when he played. (20 lost out of 108 played). Do you believe Kevin Pietersen when he says it’s the team that matters? Of course you don’t. Cricket is the only team sport that I can think of where the opportunities for self-aggrandisement are quite so abundant. When people talk of the great moments, 9 times out of 10 it is the individual who we hero worship, not the team. Think of Botham in ’81, Flintoff in ’05, Warne’s 708 test wickets, Lara’s 400, even ‘Bradman’s Invincibles’, not just the ‘Invincibles’ but Bradman’s own personal entourage of Invincibles . But it is always going to be the case with a sport built on a myriad of statistics that are accumulated through the specific and definable actions of individual players. The desire to excel in cricket may not always be motivated by team spirit, but a certain level of self-centeredness with a splash of arrogance is ultimately what makes a team a winning one.

The roaring Warwickshire Bears have chewed their way into the quarter finals of the Twenty20 Cup. Finishing top of the Midlands/Wales group, suffering just 1 defeat and only after they had already qualified in first place. I have been most impressed. Considering how they were so utterly god-awful in the Friends Provident Trophy, losing to just about everyone and anyone, including Ireland (don’t get me started...) along the way, I feared the Twenty20 would be a similar story. In reality, they have been magnificent. Ant Botha and old-man Salisbury have together plundered 27 wickets @ 11 a piece, whilst Jonathan Trott has scored 255 runs @ 42 and in the process passed 1000 Twenty20 career runs. Chris Martin, of New Zealand Cricket fame, rather than that wanker from Coldplay, has also chipped in with some very tidy and effective new ball bowling. Fingers crossed they can roll over defending champions Kent next week (in Rob Key’s case, that’s a lot of rolling...), so I can have an expensive trip down to Southampton later in the month for finals day.
After the thrash and bash of Twenty20 the counties have returned to the more sedate world of the County Championship. Suddenly watching batsmen carefully playing out maidens when they have spent the previous 2 weeks belting the living daylights out of anything that’s not speared into the base of middle and leg is a little bewildering. But after watching batsman getting down on one knee and reverse paddle-sweeping good length deliveries over the top of wicket keeper’s heads for a fortnight, it has been nice to see some ‘proper’ cricket shots.

"The moment of victory is much too short to live for that and nothing else" - Martina Navratilova

The Left Hand Path

Well, wasn’t the 2nd One Day International Disasterthon at Edgbaston a complete waste of everybody’s time and money? No wonder cricket has such a fabulous reputation for cock-ups and organisational dysfunction.
Meeting a friend at the ground at the appointed starting time, there was clearly to be no play for a while, due the incessant rain. Whilst the tempest raged outside and sea creatures were spotted cavorting on the out-ground, my buddy and I began, what any self-respecting Englishman would under such circumstances, an epic day of drinking. By lunchtime, with no play imminent, we had progressed to a nearby pub for some lunch. By 2pm the word had got round that play was due to start at 3pm, which brings me to my first complaint, with the weather passable at 2pm, why in the name of Jesus did we have to wait ‘till 3pm to start? Don’t give me all that ‘preparing the pitch’ nonsense, what task is it, exactly, that takes an hour? Then, after the game was reduced to 29 overs a side and then, due to further rain, 24 overs a side, they take a 30-minute break between innings. I’m sure the umpires were following the ICC regulations (which have, 24 hours later, been amended – there’s a fucking surprise) to the letter, but can’t they show just a little initiative? After considerably more beer and not nearly enough cricket, at 7.45pm with 19 overs of the Kiwi innings gone, and the 20 overs needed to constitute a match the umpires called the whole thing off because of the returning rain, and couldn’t return to the field because they had technically used the extra hour allowed for rain, despite the fact they could have been back on the field about 30-minutes later, because the weather had cleared up again. If I were a Kiwi I would be absolutely apoplectic, with just 6 more balls bowled a result would have been achieved and the 20,000 paying spectators, might have felt slightly less aggrieved.
In twenty over cricket in this country, at least, the ground has to be on fire before the umpires take the players off. Why? Because they don’t want thousands of spectators to be short-changed and, they want them to keep coming back to games. Good lord! What a novel idea, putting the punters first. Sport is supposed to be entertainment, but I, and thousands of others on Wednesday couldn’t have been less entertained if we’d caught pneumonia.
I do accept that with cricket, as there is with tennis, a certain element of being at the mercy of the elements, it is part of the game, but what happened on Wednesday was incompetence on an industrial scale, but what do you expect when cricket is run by a bunch of lawyers and accountants, whose don’t-give-a-shit-so-long-as-the-rules-are-being-followed attitude is utterly to the detriment of the game. They’re always going on about the spirit of cricket, but they wouldn’t recognise it if was one of their own children.
A special mention should also go to Paul Collingwood. The game would probably have had a result, had England not bowled their overs so slowly. Apparently, Paul had no idea that they were only getting through an over about once every three days. Really? You were only the captain of the bowling side you muppet. Again, why don’t the umpires step in and start adding penalty runs to the opposition’s total? Then we might see sides get through their overs slightly faster than Thora Hird’s corpse would.

In the first ODI, which England won, some controversy was sparked. God (or Kevin Pietersen as he is better known) quite unbelievably, hit poor old Scott Styris for 2 left handed sixes over cover (or is that mid-wicket?). The MCC, who are still the guardians of the laws of cricket, had a meeting in which they discussed the legality of the shot. Fortunately, sanity has prevailed and the MCC are perfectly happy with KP’s innovation. Could you image if the ICC were in charge of the laws? ‘A left-handed shot by a right-handed batsman may only be played if the batsman has submitted, in writing, at least 10 working days in advance, an Unusual Shot Application Form, if the application to play the shot has been approved, the batsman must present the form to the on-field umpire before the ball for which he has applied to play the shot. A separate application must be made for each left-handed shot played. Any failure to do so will result in a 3-match suspension and fine.’

Away from the sturm und drang of cricket mis-administration, the Twenty20 Cup is in full flow, and I’m loving every minute of it. A trip down to Worcestershire to watch the Bears maul the Pears was immensely pleasurable. And this very evening, as I write, the return match at Edgbaston takes place, which will be marvellous, so long as it doesn’t rain... The Bears are 2nd in the Midlands/Wales division, Northants having won one more game, but both teams are on 8 points, although the Bears run rate is better. The good news is that they are unbeaten, 3 wins, 1 tie (how often does that happen?! – sadly as it was a group game, there wasn’t a bowl-out to decide the result) and one no result. Here’s hoping/praying/offering up blood sacrifices that the Bears can continue their good form and storm into the quarters at the end of next week.

"That Glenn McGrath ... what a bastard.” Mick Jagger

Pulling Teeth

After a mere 13 consecutive games against the might of New Zealand, (just six more to go!) England have their second test series victory in the bag. It could have and indeed looked like at one point, that Harry Potter’s, sorry, Daniel Vettori’s decision to insert England was going to pay dividends. At 86-5, England were staring down the barrel, dead and buried or indeed any other suitable turn of phrase you’d like to select from the MP Vaughan Bumper Book of Sporting Clichés. A tremendous 115 from South Africa’s finest export and a decent half-century from Warwickshire’s teeny-tiny stumper, dragged England out of the pit of embarrassment that they had dug for themselves.
Winning the toss and asking the opposition to bat is a risky business. Bat first and do badly, is forgivable – sort of. Put the opposition in and by the end of day one you are either a captain of Brearley-like genius or you are Nasser Hussain. Sadly for Vettori, he flirted with the former but ended up wining and dining the latter.
Stuart Broad’s contribution with the willow was pleasing, he and Jimmy A put on an excellent 76 for the 8th wicket, with Broad striking a cultured 64, featuring, in particular, some lovely back-foot drives through the covers. Which was more than helpful in England being able to post a respectable, if unspectacular 364. Jimmy scored a test-best 28, which was followed by his test-best bowling figures of 6-43. But, before we move on to that, I wish to protest in the strongest possible terms about the dreadful sawing-off of Monty Panesar by Steve Bucknor. An appalling decision, leaving Monty just 100 runs short of his maiden test match century.
In reply, the Kiwis never really got going. James ‘who’s line and length is it anyway’ Anderson, made sure of that. Bowling at his absolute best, Anderson bulldozed his way through New Zealand’s batting line up, including some delicious clean-bowled-photograph-this-muthafucker moments. Shot-out for 123, Vaughan invited Vettori’s men to have another go, which they did, but not very well. Second time around, Grumpy-Pants Sidebottom was Destroyer-in-Chief, taking 6-67. The only real resistance from the Kiwis coming from Oram, who hit 50 not out. In the end England won by an innings and 9 runs – which appears utterly convincing and marvellous, but as ever, the devil is in the detail.

It may have come to your attention that England test innings of late have been sans les runs de Collingwood et Bell. Collingwood, because he’s forgotten how to play cricket and Bell, because he is a big girl’s blouse. Collingwood is a first-rate athlete, but not a natural cricketer. His work in the field is amongst the best in the world, but his batting relies on a good eye and physical strength. Sure, he’s a scrapper and a fighter, and he has certainly saved England from humiliation on more than one occasion, but, there are simply better players waiting in the wings. As for Ian Bell, I really do want to slap him around the face with a big wet fish. Unlike Collingwood, he is stuffed full of cricketing ability. In full flow, he is almost as good to watch as Vaughan or Pietersen. His failing is that he can’t score runs under pressure. His 3 ball abomination of an innings at Trent Bridge is the perfect example. At 84-3, England are having a wobble, but nothing disastrous, all Ding-Dong needs to do is hang around and steady the ship, not play ‘round a straight one from cricket’s least threatening bowler, Iain O'Brien. 45 runs in four innings is a pathetic return for a top 6 batsman. For years Bell has been ‘coming good’, but I think we need to admit to ourselves that Bell is too fragile, mentally, to play international cricket. I’m not someone who calls for players to be given the proverbial boot at the drop of a cricket ball, but push has come to shove and I have the perfect candidates to replace these two floundering underachievers. Owais Shah for Bell and Ravi Bopara for Collingwood. Give them both the nod for the South Africa test series, and give them the four test matches to prove themselves. Surprisingly, I have been over-looked for the position of England selector, so what will actually happen is that the same team will be picked for the first test, because nobody wants to upset the supposed balance of a winning team and then everyone will go on and on about how it’s the first time since the extinction of the dinosaurs that England have picked the same starting XI in six consecutive test matches, like that is some kind of an achievement.
Anyway, in a few weeks England will finally be rid of the Kiwis, who will be returning home with a test series defeat to ponder and a ODI series victory to celebrate (probably). It will be nice to actually play someone else. I really wasn’t lying in my opening sentence, by the end of this tour England will have faced New Zealand 19 games in row. (6 test matches, 10 One Day Internationals and 3 Twenty20’s) – whoever organises these things needs shooting.

A Champions League for the winners and runners up of the domestic Twenty20 competitions in England, Australia, South Africa and the Indian Premier League has been announced. Which all sounds like jolly good fun, but will probably end up in the courts. Lalit Modi, the chairman of the IPL and a mover and shaker behind the Champions League, has said that in the event of a player having played in the IPL and say an Australian state side, the IPL franchise gets first dibs on him. Err... why? What if Mike Hussey, who is stuck between Western Australia and Chennai Super Kings wants to play for Western Australia, with whom, I assume, he played all of his professional cricket, until he was picked for Australia, rather than a team who only came into existence 10 minutes ago? How exactly are they going to stop him? If he says he doesn’t want to play for the Chennai Burger Kings they’re not very likely to pick him are they?
Originally, Modi also declared that any team who have players who appeared in the rebel Indian Cricket League will be automatically disqualified from the Champions League. So, that’s 15 out of 18 counties all out on their collective ears then. With $5 million at stake, counties should not have to put up with this kind of shit from Modi and the BCCI. The only teams eligible under this ludicrous edict would be Essex, Middlesex and Somerset. With this in mind a ‘softened’ stance of banning the individual players from this year’s Twenty20 Cup and Champions League, has been thrown up. This is grossly unfair to the county players, who in the off season are not under contract by their counties and the ECB never explicitly stated that players couldn’t play in ICL. Modi, in particular, needs to pull his head out of his arse and realise that he can’t throw his weight around like the school bully, and remember that it was the BCCI’s failure to properly and fairly negotiate and award TV rights for Indian cricket that led to the creation of the ICL in the first place. Dickhead.
What I would like to see happen is the South African, English and Australian boards, club together and refuse to take part in any Champions League featuring IPL teams unless fair terms are agreed with BCCI and IPL. If they can’t be reached because of the fascist tendencies of the Indian board, then they should invite the Stanford Twenty20 winners and runners up to compete in place of the IPL champions and runners up, and I would put this ultimatum to them now before moron Modi sours relations any further.

On a happier and final note, (sorry, I have droned on rather a lot this week – I can’t help it, there’s lots going on...) the Bears have just beaten Glamorgan by 5 wickets to stay top of LVCC Division 2. Some excellent batting by Ian Westwood (176 and 58) and some good bowling from Jimmy Anyon, (6–82 and 2-70) setting up a last day, last 5 overs, to be precise, win. Warwickshire have played one more game than everybody else, except last placed Gloucestershire who they have played two more games than, but they are 16 points clear of 2nd placed Leicestershire, so with some favourable results, things could be looking good. Oh yeah, and the Twenty20 Cup kicks off this week, I’m so excited I might have a seizure.

Winning may not be everything, but losing has little to recommend it.

Swinging in the Rain

I pick up the ball up and walk slowly back to my mark, muttering to myself about concentration and line and length. I run in to bowl, leap into my delivery stride, as I let go of the ball I grunt like a bear being kicked in the nuts by man wearing concrete shoes, then, joy of joys, the ball swings venomously into the base of leg stump, knocking all three stumps flat on to the ground. Now, you are probably thinking to yourself, how is it possible to knock all three stumps out of the ground with one delivery and you’d be right to. The reason is that these are a set of spring-loaded practice stumps and the event just described was not part of some last gasp victory or brilliant opening salvo. It was in fact last Thursday evening, in the drizzle, where I’d stayed behind after nets to give myself a good talking to and some remedial bowling practice.
Sadly, I’ve not been engaged in any competitive cricket this week. There was no game on Sunday and even if there had been it would have been rained off and I was surplus to requirements, in the same way that a banjo would be surplus to requirements during medieval siege warfare, for the match on Saturday. The upside of this was that I did get to spend most of my weekend and the bank holiday watching England splutter their way to victory over New Zealand. The really annoying thing is that I missed Monty’s six-fer. It is always the way isn’t it? You pop out for half an hour to run an errand or two and you miss all the bloody action. Although it’s still preferable to what normally happens with England; you leave the room to answer the phone, only to return two minutes later, to discover that some one-eyed, part-time off-spinner has just sliced through England’s middle order like a chainsaw through jelly.
Ah yes, England’s middle order. Were it not for Mr Panesar’s wizardry, England could have easily been left chasing 400+, which they almost certainly wouldn’t have got and they wouldn’t have got it because Pietersen, Bell and Collingwood would all have been required to make a contribution beyond having the scorer write their names down. There is, as always, the talent there, but no application. It is all very well talking the talk in an interview, but extensive media training is of limited use out in the middle. I’m being slightly unfair to Collingwood, the man is utterly, utterly out of form. His 24 not out was actually a very gritty and determined effort, even if he did look like he needed reminding occasionally what sport it was that he was playing. Hopefully he can do a Strauss, who is all of a sudden playing quite beautifully, and regain some form before the Saffers arrive, because if the middle order don’t fire, England are going to get murdered. As for Kevin Pietersen, he deserves a good slapping for running himself out quite so idiotically. It’s all very well him marching off the field effing and blinding and then being a bit sulky for the cameras as he sits quietly fuming on the balcony, but if he engaged whatever brain he has between his ears with a little more enthusiasm, he might not have got himself into such a position in the first place. Stupid boy.
In many ways England’s performance had a number of plus points, turning around what seemed like a hopeless situation on Sunday morning to a victory on Monday afternoon is a remarkable achievement – almost Australian-like, but just like coming back from 1-0 down in New Zealand to win 2-1 was also impressive, England should not have had such a hole out of which to dig themselves. What’s to do? Personally, I would offer up Ian Bell as a sort of sacrificial lamb. Drop him, he’s got bags of talent and would easily force his way back into the side at some point, just so the other batsmen actually fear for their places in the team, which would hopefully result in a little more application and a little less flakiness. In all honesty that is probably not the best solution, but Peter Moores has to do something to galvanise his troops. We’ll have to see what happens at Trent Bridge next week; cricketers are always talking about momentum, let’s see if England can find some.

In the glamorous and celebrity driven world of county cricket, the Friends Provident Trophy lurches towards the knock out stages, I’ve long since stopped caring, and anyway, Warwickshire didn’t seem to care in the first place, which reminds me, Ireland! We lost to fucking IRELAND!!!!!! I wouldn’t bet on them to beat a decent school team let alone a county side!
As you can see, I still haven’t quite got over the events of 16/05...
In other Warwickshire news, it has been announced that Sanath Jayasuriya is no longer available for the Twenty20 Cup, because the Sri Lankan sports minister (I’m not making this up) insisted he be included in the squad for the Asia Cup. You see, if only Tessa Jowell had stood up in parliament and demanded Monty’s inclusion in the starting XI for the first test of the 06/07 Ashes, it could have all been so different. Anyway, the Bears are now on the hunt for a replacement. How about Adam Gilchrist? I’m sure his diary will be pretty empty after the IPL finishes. Although, I suspect the cash on offer from Warwickshire might look a bit feeble compared to the riches doled out by the IPL. “So Gilly, how’s about it? 20 quid a game with a free can of Marston’s and a pie from the members bar if we win?” It’s not going to happen, is it?
In the County Championship, Nottinghamshire are sitting pretty at the top of the first division and by some Faustian pact, Warwickshire are still top of division 2! Essex and Glamorgan are the main threat as they both have a game in hand and are very much within touching distance points-wise. However, the Bears play Gloucestershire on Friday, who are rooted to the bottom of the table, so with the weather apparently improving later in the week, I am full of confidence that they can be dispatched with consummate ease. (I might regret writing that...)

Back in my own world of cricketing mediocrity, I have decided to convert from the most medium of medium pacers, to an off-spinner. Sure, I can run in fast, but actually propelling the ball with any spite is simply beyond my arms, legs and shoulders. At present, my attempts at off-spin are rather closer to lob-bowling, but, at nets whilst attempting a bit of tweakery, I did bowl someone behind their legs and I only had to fetch my ball from the golf course once. (Believe me, that is an achievement if not a miracle.) On the batting front, things are progressing. Some impromptu coaching from a man who plays for the MCC and the first XI skipper has helped. Apparently my pick up and stance is “excellent for someone who has only been playing for a year”. I am taking that at face value and not interpreting it as “but shit for anyone who knows the first fucking thing about cricket”. Once I get my feet moving, I am perfectly capable of playing some actually quite nice drives and cuts, but am still prone to having a feet-in-treacle mow at the ball all too often.
Come the game on Sunday, we’ll see where I’m really at.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

First of the Summer Wides

Whilst the climate in Britain may ensure that we aren’t battered by tornadoes, hurricanes or anything else similarly horrific, summer is rather brief and therefore opportunities to play the summer game are somewhat limited. So on Sunday just past, I was delighted to play my first game of cricket for 7 months. And it was a triumph, of sorts.
I have actually only being playing cricket for a year, despite having been an avid enthusiast since I was a nipper. Cricket wasn’t really played at my school, I can only remember playing it a few times in P.E. lessons. Whereas the football-morons of course, got to play all year round. Anyhow, last year, having reached the grand old age of 25, and not undertaken any sort of physical exercise in the previous 9 years, since my last P.E. lesson, in fact, I decided that rather than sitting in the pub moaning about this that and the other about cricket and cricketers, I would get out there and prove, should anyone ask, that in fact, no, I couldn’t do any better.
So last May I dropped an email to the captain of a local team asking for a game or two. I was, I must confess, what you might call 'economical' with the truth. I told him that I hadn’t played since school, which was true, but didn’t let on that I hadn’t ever actually played a proper game either.
So first up, I play against some team that have amongst their ranks a youth player from Worcestershire CCC, I am slightly incensed by this. Cricket is a delicate game, insomuch as when one side is markedly better than another, it can make for an immensely tedious afternoon fetching balls from distant fields. You can probably see what’s coming, can’t you? In 45 overs we are put to the sword to the tune of 400+ runs. The young tyke, who looks like he still has stabilisers on his bicycle, scores an almost faultless 150. I field reasonably well but don’t bowl. Amazingly, I’m sent into to bat at 10, rather than 11 as I would have expected. More amazingly I get off the mark first ball, squeezing the ball down to fine-leg, but I’m not done there, a further single follows shortly afterwards, before the chap at the other end is out LBW. Now, I appreciate that you are probably thinking 2 not out is not a very impressive score, and you’d be right, (unless you’re Chris Martin, in which case you’d be buying the beers after the game and possibly making a speech or two), but up until this moment, I had never faced any ‘proper’ bowling, never played on a real wicket or worn batting gloves or pads. We were eventually skittled out for about 170, everyone looked at little shell-shocked, but not me, I was happy as happy could be.
By the end of the season I’d played 8 games, with a top score of 9 not out, at an average of 4.3. This wasn’t too bad for a first attempt, I thought, mainly because, I had invariably batted at 10 or 11 so never got much of a chance, hence a number of not outs. As for bowling, I once had a terrible anxiety dream about bowling on the first day of a test match, sending down wide after wide after wide, with 100,000 Australians baying for my blood. I’ve called it the ‘Steve Harmison dream’. With that in mind, I declined to bowl. This season however, I’ve taken the plunge and actually bowled in a match, very badly it must be said, but I do have a bowling average, having taken 2 wickets for 30 runs. I did however, only bowl 3 overs and conceded about 10 wides, I swear I bowled 9 balls in one over and was starting to wish that the ground would swallow me up, but then, against the run of play, (probably more against the run of play than any other event in history to be honest) I took a wicket! A simple catch to square leg, followed a few balls and a fistful of wides later, by a second wicket in the same place. “That’ll teach you for trying to slap me over mid-wicket you bastard” I wanted to say, sadly, the standard of my bowling is so very, very low, that any attempt at sledging the opposition would be utterly farcical, so I gracefully and gratefully received the congratulations, disbelief and sarcasm of my team mates instead.
My skipper for the day, a wonderfully avuncular character in his 50's, was most encouraging, “every week now you have to bowl” he said, “keep practising and you’ll be fine” and so on. I may be quite useless at bowling, but I can be very determined when I want to be. I’ll keep you updated on my progress.
The opposition scored 220 in their 40 overs, which we chased down quite easily in the end, despite being 100-5 at one point. The skipper and a chap who normally plays in the Birmingham Premier League, which is completely different from renting some county youth player, no it is, I promise you, flayed the bowling to all parts. The highlight of the day came right at the end. The ringer from the Premier League was on 98 with the scores tied. The captain at the other end blocked out an entire over, including running 2 meters outside leg stump to defend a ball that was so wide as to have nearly been a legitimate delivery on the adjacent wicket, just to give the young man a chance of his ton, which of course he got, thrashing a four down to cow-corner off the 2nd ball of the next over. My batting skills weren’t required, apart from to knock my mate Dave’s beer over, whilst he provided me with some throw-downs, which he wasn’t best pleased about, but there is always next week to test my prowess with the willow.

In the rest of the cricket world, the rain prevented a result in the first test at Lord’s and Warwickshire, I’m almost in tears writing this, lost to Ireland, that is IRELAND!!!!! In the FP Trophy, a competition in which Ireland haven’t won a game since it was the C&G Trophy, about 3 years ago. The Bears have since beaten Notts, but their chances of progressing in the FP Trophy are somewhere near zero, just next to bugger all.
The IPL is still going, a lack of Sentanta Sports prevents me from following too closely, but as far as I can tell, the Mumbai Muthafuckers, or whatever they are called are the team to beat – whoopie...

The visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others.

Batting Begins

If I might start with an apology – I may have given the impression that I was somewhat lacking in faith as far as Warwickshire County Cricket Club’s chances of regaining their rightful position at the top-table of English cricket. But with a 6 from Ian Salisbury (age 94) off the penultimate ball against Northants last week, to win a game that I was so confident was going to be a draw, I turned off ceefax and went out to buy a shiny new batting helmet, only to check it was a draw some time later but finding only victory, I think the Bears might be in with a chance of promotion. Just so long as the team of wet fish that shuffled off the field against Worcestershire the other week, don’t reappear (or should that be resurface?) Sadly, nothing is ever that straight forward for Warwickshire. As soon as the players start looking the business in 4-day cricket, they start playing like a bunch of geriatrics in the Friends Provident Trophy. I went to the rain-reduced affair at Edgbaston against Leicestershire. Reduced to 23-overs-a-side, the Foxes posted a very meagre 148. Now, logic may not be my strong point, but if in 20 over cricket, teams easily post 160-180, in 23 overs, 148 is a fairly piss-poor effort. So when Carter and Maddy come swaggering out of the pavilion, I’m thinking, this is going to be easy. Of course the punch-line here is that it was nothing of the sort. Less the Warwickshire Bears more the Warwickshire roll-over-and-tickle-my-tummy-pussy-cats. Feebly bowled out for 103, I was left head-in-hands, muttering darkly about taking an active interest in fishing. If you play well and lose, fair enough, but to capitulate to a not that impressive Leicestershire quite so lamely, is just a bit embarrassing. I wouldn’t normally condone jeering your own team, but on this occasion, the chants of ‘what a load of rubbish’ echoing around Edgbaston, were more than justified. (As was the assessment of the old duffer I was sitting next to – ‘fucking useless’ he said. ‘Quite’ I replied.)Then, just as things can’t get any worse, they do. After holding on for a draw at Derbyshire, and going to the top of LVCC Division 2, Warwickshire’s FP Trophy ‘campaign’ disintegrates further, this time at the hands of Northants. Apart from a timely ton from Trott and a 3 wicket burst from the in form Carter, there was nothing from the batting again and the bowling was hardly setting the world alight. Trott’s 120 was a better effort than all the others put together (120 plays 92, just for the record), in fact, Mr Extras put down 20 runs to be joint 2nd in the runs department, which rather says it all.

The 1st nPower test kicks off on Thursday this week. The selectors have some decisions to make, but with Flintoff doing his side in, the trickiest one has been put on ice for a few weeks, at least. Were it up to me, and it is English cricket’s loss that it isn’t, I’d probably go for the following:

Strauss
Cook
Vaughan
Pietersen
Collingwood
Bell
Ambrose
Broad
Sidebottom
Hoggard
Panesar

Which, as always, looks great on paper, but will probably fail to deliver in reality.

The Flintoff conundrum is an interesting one. He clearly has no form with the bat. In the Lancs/Durham game last week, he face 6 balls and scored precisely 0 runs, but bowled 22 overs, conceding just 42 runs and taking 7 wickets. He was, apparently unplayable at times. He would waltz into any team in the world as a bowler but couldn’t bribe a game with the under-12’s as a batsman. His fitness is unknown and if he breaks down on the first morning of a test match and England are playing him as one of four bowlers, they would be well and truly buggered. I think they need to leave him at Lancashire, to genuinely prove his fitness and try and regain some form with the bat, or at least remember which end to hold. Then, unleash him on the Saffers later in the summer, but leaving the selectors with a real headache, who’s place does he take?

Peace.

Boom! Boom! Bangalore!

Well, the IPL continues to storm through its first week, and it appears that it is going to be the success that the money men (err... cricket fans, surely?) hoped. The arch-luddites, as opposed to someone such as myself who is a big fan of Twenty20 cricket, but doesn’t necessarily want to watch it every day of the week, have been in full flow. Esteemed cricket journalist Gideon Haigh was fairly damming in an article for cricinfo .
I agree with his sentiments about the game being worth much more than mere money, but had cricket’s development over the centuries been left to the likes of Haigh, cricket would now be played once a year in some picturesque village in Surrey, probably in 18th century period costume, in the same way idiots chase cheese down hills in Gloucestershire on May bank holiday, all filmed of course for the local news, so some piss-poor reporter, making up for the lack of actual news, can spout his or her fatuous views on ‘tradition’ or if we are really unlucky, ‘community’.

Writers shouldn’t be railing against Twenty20, if anything, it is 50-over cricket, Twenty20’s, older, flabbier sibling, that needs to be shown the door.
50-over cricket has two fundamental flaws, 1) it is a game that can’t be drawn, certainly a tie is possible, but how often does that happen? Which means that, 2) as it is a long game, it is often over, in that one side is blatantly going to win, with what seems like three weeks to spare, long before the game is actually over.
For example, England score 300 batting first (humour me here), Australia, in reply, slump to 50-4 or 100-6 or something similar, it is, 99.9 times out of 100, game over. In reverse, imagine a side only scores, 150 batting first, the team batting second, unless disaster strikes, (strikes in the sense of Satan and his hellish armies rising up and joining in with the bowling and fielding) will chase the score down easily.
I’m not suggesting that all 50-over cricket is like this, but so much of it is so one-sided. In Twenty20, due to the short time span, even if one side puts the other brutally to the sword, at least it’s over quickly. But because you’ve only got 120 deliveries to play with and a par score is somewhere between 160-170, I would reckon 8 out of 10 games are close.
The international and, particularly in England, domestic calendars are so crammed, it would make sense to play only test cricket and Twenty20. I’m convinced more people would be drawn to test cricket from seeing the 20-over stuff than from 50-overs, even if the side you support are on the wrong end of a tonking.

I should warn you, every time I slag off 50-over cricket an amazing game or series happens. I remember talking to a friend, expressing much along the same lines as you have just read, a day later South Africa chased down 434 in a One Day International against Australia, in one of the greatest games of cricket ever played, but there you go...

In the world of Warwickshire County Cricket Club things are not looking good. I appreciate we are only one game and one day into the County Championship, but the Bears are, well, toothless. There is simply no venom in the bowling or batting. Two weeks ago I was brimming with confidence that they would march back into the first division without any problem, but now, having watched them in the flesh and read the reports, I fear they will fail to dominate even the most mediocre opposition. The arrival of Monde Zondeki may add a little spunk to the attack, but I’m not holding my breath.

Finally, this week, England have unveiled all their new kit. Made by Adidas, the new test and ODI shirts look really quite swanky, but unfortunately the Twenty20 shirt does rather remind me of Liverpool Football Club’s strip, but hey, never mind!
The so called traditionalists, are up in arms about the new kit, not because buying any of it will leave a hole the size of Greater Manchester in your finances, but because the new sweater is now a sort of fleece rather than a ‘proper’ three-ton knitted jumper affair. According to some, it is the end of civilisation. Give me strength...

Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Rubicon

Two competitions begin this week, one ancient and one so modern it’s hardly out of its wrapper. I am of course writing about the County Championship and the much talked about Indian Premier League.

A lot of people write and talk a substantial amount of bollocks about the County Championship, (I’m thinking of Bob Willis in particular). There are those who see it as nothing more than a training academy for England players and indeed all efforts are to the national side’s benefit or detriment. This not only untrue, it is a competition in its own right, but such an attitude is an insult to the vast majority of county pros who never get to wear the three lions. The domestic game, with the exception of the Twenty20 Cup, may not be the most glamorous event(s) in the sporting calendar, but it is followed, passionately, by a large number of people, who either go to watch in person or more likely, keep up with things online, (i.e. those of us who have to work for a living). Personally, I go to watch county cricket to see Warwickshire win (no laughing at the back), not to see so and so from such and such a county who might play for England one day. The likes of Willis bemoan the Cork’s and the Hick’s of the game for carrying on for too long, as they won’t ever play for England again and are therefore holding back the next generation. But the likes of Hick have a wealth of experience (and 134 first class hundreds) to pass on to younger players, that if they were all kicked out of the dressing room at 35, would be lost.The domestic set-up is far from perfect, there are many obvious changes that could be made to improve it, but to treat it as nothing more than the play pen of the England team is disgraceful. Duncan Fletcher had no time for the county game. I seem to remember him trying to get Jimmy Anderson a game for Glamorgan, in order for him to get some match fitness! Peter Moores seems to be more aware of the county scene. His selection of Ryan Sidebottom, was inspired, and his willingness to allow his England players to play more for their counties is also very welcome.Whatever the naysayers may say, I’ll be at Edgbaston on Wednesday, hoping to see Warwickshire give Worcestershire a good shoeing! (It’s now Friday, this hasn’t happened, Worcestershire are 261 – 4, 295 ahead, bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger...)

Whilst the County Championship begins its long, winding journey through another summer, in India, a six-week festival of money-making and cricket kicks off, in the form of the Indian Premier League. It’s all the talk in the cricket world. Lured by, in some cases, silly amounts of money, international players of the highest order have been recruited to play. Now I’m no bluff old traditionalist, whose idea of exciting cricket is 40-1 at lunch on the first day. I enjoy 20-over cricket a dam sight more than the 50-over stuff. It’s fast and furious, a lot of the games are close, kids love it, you can watch a whole game in 2 ½ hours after a day at work etc... but cricket is so much more than 120 balls of merciless slogging. All the things that make cricket the greatest sport are in the long version of the game; periods of attack, consolidation, defence, the mental toughness and physical bravery of the players, I could go on (and on and on...), I won’t but you get my point. Put it this way, however good the film is, the book is always better.

I bear no ill will towards the IPL, its’ players or funders, (or though it is slightly distasteful in my opinion that in a country where, for all the talk of an emerging superpower, there is still so much grinding poverty, that the rich and powerful should pour quite so much money into a sporting tournament, but there you go...) my worry is that Twenty20 cricket will simply beat test cricket out of existence and, to use the ICC’s turn of phrase, the iconic form of cricket will be lost. We’ll see...

Remember: Safety First.

Falling Down...

One of the ‘joys’ of being an England cricket fan is the frankly, breathtaking unpredictability of the side. Brilliant some days, bloody awful on others. (Think of Jimmy Anderson as a microcosm). I always convince myself that we England supporters are the only ones who are put through this particular mill on such an alarmingly regular basis – why do we have to suffer so many collapses and dropped catches, Steve Harmison’s, entertaining and creative interpretation of line and length, batsmen-wicketkeepers (or is that wicketkeeper-batsman?) who don’t quite understand the job description and so on and so forth. Whilst this is true about the England boys, it is also true of every other team as well.
This was brought home to me in a thunderously entertaining 109 mins, courtesy of the Indian test side. Opting to bat on a green, but not exactly overly threatening wicket, the Indians wilted like a daffodil at the mercy of a blowtorch. Apart from the absolute ripper of a ball that got Dravid, the Indians simply handed their wickets to the South Africans, gift wrapped. MS Dhoni’s dismissal was probably the most stupid of all. With your side at 55-5, might it be a good idea to rein in one’s attacking instincts, a bit? Or, shall we go merrily-a-thrashing? Well, he opted for the latter, wafting at a nothing ball from Morkel and got what he thoroughly deserved.
India’s 76 all out isn’t the worst I’ve ever seen, I’m sure England will show us, in probably not the too distant future, who the real masters of the batting collapse are.
In reply, South Africa kicked ass and chewed bubble gum with much aplomb. India’s bowlers were generally poor, with the exception of Harbhajan and Sreesanth (who, wasn’t that good, but I’m ‘looking for some positives’). RP Singh, who I used to rate highly and Pathan were, if you’ll excuse my French, fucking appalling, you’d see more commitment, willing and guile from the dead. No offense to the man, but if AB de Villiers is plundering double centuries against you, you really are in trouble.
India’s problem seems to be, that they are always ‘the next’ cricketing power-house, they’ve always got the talent, but then you would or at least struggle not to, in a cricket-mad country of 1 billion people, but never quite have the delivery. Certainly they win things on occasion, like the Twenty20 World Cup, but never with any consistency. Just as much as you can imagine them handing out a beating to Australia, you can always see them losing to Bangladesh. It is a bit unfair to pick on India, but a side that has boasted the likes of Tendulkar, Ganguly, Kumble and Dravid, really should have done better in the last 10 or so years.
Anyway back to the match...
The Saffers put on 494-7d, the Indian’s had a slightly better attempt at playing test cricket, with 328, but still lost by and innings and 90 runs, inside 3 days. Back to the drawing board chaps.

Two other quick items on the agenda. It was good to see the Windies win another test match, (2 this year and counting!) and with it square the series against Sri Lanka. This was jolly good news for two reasons, 1) it’s been depressing watching a rubbish West Indies side over the last few years, I know I’m an England fan, but I’m also a fan of the game as a whole, test cricket needs a strong West Indies. I hope they’re starting to turn the corner. 2) Sri Lanka now slip below England in the ICC rankings, which will have every Sri Lankan worth his salt choking on his tea!

Second, and most importantly of all, Warwickshire have just chased down 217 against Worcestershire in just 22 overs, in a pre-season friendly – let’s hope it continues when the season gets underway next week!

Over and out.