Ring-a-ding-dong

The other day I was chatting to my old man about the shuffling wreck that is the England cricket team, specifically the black hole that is the no 3 batting position. Having laughed at Michael Vaughan’s age, Owais Shah’s eyes and Rob Key’s girth we moved to the raging disappointment that is Ian Bell.
Of those mentioned above Bell is the most infuriating. Vaughan has had success, Shah is a permanent and largely successful member of the ODI squad, Key had his chance and was found wanting, but Bell has failed in all formats at international level, despite the indulgence offered by Fletcher and Moores again and again.

What is so annoying is that Ding-Dong is so spectacularly talented, (he can, amongst other things, bat left-handed and properly as well, drives and pulls, not just swishing like KP). His problem is very simple. He is just not enough of a bastard. Too nice, this generation’s Graeme Hick. What’s to do? Short of locking him in a cage, beating him with sticks and feeding him raw meat.What is most likely to happen is the same as has happened before, he disappears into the mythical world of county cricket for a month, scores runs with such ease as to make the bowlers look foolish, is then recalled by England, chronically underachieves all summer and winter and is dropped at the beginning of the next English summer. The result being that neither Bell nor England are any further forward or better off.

The wisest thing to do would be to boot Bell out of the England for the whole summer and really let him get out of the limelight and really work on his game, and his brain. Bell needs to score heavily all summer. He should aim to average at least 60 and score big hundreds. Not 110s or 120s but 180s plus, and be angry and disappointed at anything less. If Bell could just stop being so meek and mild, have some belief in himself he could be one of the very best players in the world.

Sundries:
The IPL – South African addition kicks off this week. The latest innovation being a 7 minute interval after 10 overs, a tactical time-out or an opportunity to sell advertising space to earn even more $$$$? You decide!

The County Championship is in full flow, with Ian Bell following my advice and scoring 172 against Somerset

Marcus Trescothick refuses a second plea from England to return to the fold – it really is the end folks, sorry

Johan Botha is reported for throwing for a second time in 3 years, and will have his action tested by ICC. Interesting to see how that one goes...

South Africa show the Aussies who’s boss, by taking and unassailable lead in the ODI series in South Africa

The Chronicle attends pre-season nets for a few weeks and does quite badly

New Beginnings

I’m back!

Having been bloggingly inert for the past few months, I’ve decided to resurrect the Chronicle for the English season. Fortunately, in the time of non-blogging I’ve not missed much apart from a couple of major terrorist attacks, the West Indies first test series victory since the stone age, Australia’s first home series defeat since the mutiny on the Bounty, India’s first win in New Zealand since Gandalf the Grey’s last beard trim, Ricky Ponting having to use phrases like “we just weren’t good enough... again” on a satisfyingly large number of occasions and Afghanistan’s seemingly unstoppable and remarkable march towards the 2011 world cup.
So yeah, virtually nothing missed.

England, needless to say, have been bloody awful all winter. They have tested my patience and my faith to the extreme. Kevin Pietersen has been and gone as captain, being forced to resign after demanding that Peter Moores be sacked, on the basis that he wasn’t very good. Which was wasn’t, and was sacked for. Which means that Andrew Strauss has been thrown the skipper’s job again, and he’s done reasonably well so far. It’ll be interesting to see what our assessment will be come September.

So, to brief business, the Chronicle’s predictions for the Summer ahead...

England vs. West Indies Tests: England give us a pre-Ashes tease with a 2-0 win

England vs. West Indies ODI: England continue tease with another comfortable victory

Ashes: England to wobble frequently, but prevail 2-1? Not likely! Steven Harmison makes a triumphant return to Ashes cricket when his first ball ends up in the hands of the square leg umpire. England lose 3-0, rather than 5-0, but only because in rains

Eng vs. Aus One Day Series: England will get their arses handed to them. Australia to win 5 -2 or the weather picks up and England, unable to sneak a few on Duckworth/Lewis, get bludgeoned 7-0

Twenty20 World Cup: England to promise little and achieve nothing. My slightly left-field winners are New Zealand. Oh the controversy...

County Championship: Despite this being their first season back in the top flight I’m predicting Warwickshire to triumph by drawing a lot

Friends Provident Trophy: Hampshire, full of canny operators, you see?

Pro40: Don’t know, don’t care – does anyone?

Twenty20: Essex get my vote on the basis that Napier, Bopara and Foster like to give bowlers the sort of flogging you’d only expect to receive at a party round at Max Moseley’s place

So there we go, it’ll be interesting to see just how wrong I am.
Anyway, enough of this rambling preamble, the MCC have already begun against Durham and the season starts in earnest next week, as will I.

You have been warned.